I Was Fighting With My Own Demons

Image shared on Instagram.( Image courtesy: mannahsoulfry)

Actress Maninee De has consistently spoken out about her personal and professional challenges. Most recently, she bravely opened up about enduring sexual abuse at the age of seven. During a conversation with Siddharth Kannan, she expressed, “I went through abuse as a kid. So vo thoda sa ek dark phase tha meri life ka. Mai apne hi demons ke saath fight kar rahi thi. [There was a bit of a dark phase in my life. I was fighting with my own demons.] ” When asked about whether she informed her parents, Maninee replied, “Baad me bataya maine. Kaafi saal baad. [I shared it later. Many years later.]”

Describing the experience as extremely devastating, Maninee De added, “Bahut mushkil tha, [It was really tough] I am not going to deny. And I am not going to make it lighter by saying nahi, nahi. It is like a wound. Of course, I have done a lot of shadow work. Bahut healing process se guzri hu mai. Lekin kahi na kahi vo ek jo wound hota hai na usko bada waqt lagta hai bharne mein. And that is the reason I became a therapist ki jo mere saath hua vo kisi aur ke saath na ho aur agar unfortunately ho toh I should be there to heal that child. [I’ve gone through a long healing process. But somewhere, that one wound takes a long time to heal. And that is the reason I became a therapist – so that what happened to me doesn’t happen to anyone else, and if unfortunately it does, I should be there to heal that person.]”

Sharing how she dealt with the situation, Maninee De explained, “I think I kind of transmuted, angrezi mein agar bola jaaye. Maine kitaabe padh kar likhna shuru kar diya. [I think I kind of transmuted, if I may say so in English. I started writing by reading books.] I used to write poems. I used to go play. I used to have conversations with myself. I think vo mera evolve hone ka process tha. Mushkil tha lekin mai apne waqt se pehle badi ho gayi. [I think that was my process of evolving. It was difficult, but I grew up before time.]”

Reflecting on her parents’ response upon learning about the assault, Maninee De remarked, “They just kept looking at me… Aur pata kya hota hai jab aap chote hote ho to aapki  imagination badi active hoti hai. To parents ko kabhi-kabhi lagta hai… Abhi to parents bahut aware ho gaye hai. Us samay lagta hai ki yeh attention-seeking behaviour hai and stuff like that. [And you know what happens when you are young, your imagination is very active. So sometimes parents feel… Now parents have become very aware. At that time, it seems like this is attention-seeking behaviour and stuff like that.]” 

The actress also shared that it was a “close relative” who committed the assault, and her parents never confronted him about it. Maninee De also revealed that the person himself called her and apologised. She said, “In fact, strangely, he called to apologise to me abhi 5-6 saal pehle.[5-6 years ago.] And he was like, ‘I am really sorry.’”

Sharing her reaction to the call, Maninee stated, “I was numb absolutely. And the only thing I said was what’s done is done. I just pray to the lord…He is in a pretty bad physical condition, completely paralysed I hear. So, there is karma in this world.”

Maninee De is known for her work in films such as Fashion, Krrish, and Student Of The Year.