Executive Summary, Day One
📠Inbox 5:05AM
To: Ternus, John
Reply-to: CEO-transition-team@apple.com
Welcome to your first day as CEO! Hopefully you're finding your new office spacious and comfortable. If you have trouble with any of the doors just ping us — being a Jony Ive design, you won't find anything as unsightly as a door handle here!
Today's memo includes a summary of the business, broken out by division. The day's schedule is also attached; please note that the Apple Intelligence team needed to delay the new Siri discussion until a later date, but they promise they're “for real†this time.
Hardware
Everything is in hand for the upcoming phone launches. We don't anticipate the price hikes will have much impact on sales, since nobody in the US knows how much they really pay for their phone anyway. The team agrees that calling the camera on the upcoming AirPods a “sensor†would make it less creepy and is moving forward with that terminology. Morale on the Vision Pro team after their move to the basement is somewhat low, but we've scheduled a virtual offsite for them in Tahiti that we think will help.
Services
Our new EU app store rules go into effect in exactly one month. We've compiled a simplified explainer breaking down how much commission app developers will pay and which companies can operate alternative app stores into an easy-to-parse, 300-page PDF (see attached). This does mean that our services revenue will take a hit, but on the bright side, we just rolled out ads in Maps to juice the numbers.
Despite the setbacks, services is still our best bet for growth since we, well, ran out of people to sell iPhones to. It might even become a bigger business than the iPhone someday. That could fundamentally change the kind of company Apple is — a hardware guy in charge of a services company? Or will a services company pivot back to hardware under a new CEO? Striking that balance without frustrating customers remains an ongoing challenge. Take a hint from your predecessor: Ted Lasso is so lovable nobody noticed that we raised Apple TV prices again.
Software
The good news is that the updated Liquid Glass design is polling with higher approval ratings than last year. The bad news is that Brussels is still mad at us for holding back new Siri in Europe, Google's kind of eating our lunch in the EU, and app developers are still unhappy with the new commission structure. We were, uh, not winning any popularity contests with app developers to start with, so this may be something to consider.
Operation Smarter Siri Take Two has been a success, and we're finally back in the AI game. Unfortunately, in the time that passed since Smarter Siri The First Try, AI became deeply unfashionable. But it kind of works in our favor; we can let Meta and Google take the heat on building out all those data centers (pun intended?) while we cajole app developers into using app intents so Siri can actually do stuff. Once again, see above point about developers.
Side note: Alan Dye was seen near campus holding a sign that reads “Liquid Glass is good, actually†but security handled it.
Special Projects
The car lab has transitioned nicely into the new AI wearable testing / smart home facility. There's a little conflict between the sleep tracking team and the Beats team over the noise level in the test house, but we gave the sleepers some AirPods with noise cancellation, which should resolve the issue. Oh, and the Pope has expressed interest in trying the AI Siri pin. He loves his Apple Watch, and apparently His Holiness would like a screen-free way to brush up on his White Sox trivia in his downtime.
At least Meta is giving us a pretty low hurdle to clear, right?
Sentiment among beta testers on the smart glasses is a tad low — “Creepy as F—†tends to come up a lot in feedback. The team remains confident and has some anti-creep modifications planned. At least Meta is giving us a pretty low hurdle to clear, right? This might be a segment to pay attention to after you're settled in. There are growing concerns in how we can maintain our stance on privacy while putting cameras on people's ears and in their glasses.
Upcoming Key Activities
Just a reminder of some upcoming events: The team is gathering tomorrow night for drinks celebrating Phil's not-quite-retirement. Tim's goodbye drinks thing is tonight, and as a parting gift, he wants to review last quarter's production numbers, for old time's sake. He really does have a different idea of “fun,†doesn't he? He'll be heading to DC immediately after; President Trump has requested his help troubleshooting an issue with his iPad. Also, you'll find Kate's retirement party on your calendar. And Jennifer's retirement party. That's a lot of exits, huh? At least Craig still insists he isn't going anywhere. We're keeping a close eye on him anyway.
Of course, there's your big debut as CEO coming up next week. Rehearsals have looked great — you've really been studying the Cook-ian “Good Morning!†bellow. Sure, investors will be looking for any sign of weakness. And a big price hike just as we're introducing a new boss isn't great timing. There's a lot hinging on this keynote, you could say.
If there's any way we can help make your first day better, don't hesitate. Just relax and remember you're running the world's most profitable company in a time of political uncertainty, a historic supply chain crisis, unprecedented governmental scrutiny, and top executive shuffling. No pressure, Big J! You got this. Time to surprise and shine!
